On my 38th birthday i have received love from lots of my friends, I am loved by many but the one inside is still not sure how to feel, I am just taking it day by day hoping that the one inside that feeds the anger doesn't find a way to take over the side that wants to move on and move forward. There is no way yet for me to know what side of me will prevail in this constant fight. Its a bitter fight i am having inside myself and the only outcome is going to be pain. I am not allowed to feel and say what i want because of the situation i am currently in. Although these thoughts only come out when i have been drinking they persist 24 hrs a day 7 days a week and there is nothing that seems to lesson the pain, I feel both the separation and the interaction from the two only makes it harder. Every text and face book post draws me in feeding both sides of myself. One side of me wanting to control the situation and the other side refusing to be controlled.
Thursday, December 21, 2017
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