You may be scared of these feelings but they are here, and so are you, just look me in the eye and understand my balance requires you to be a part of the solution.I miss you Every hour of every day!

2/20/2018

Just seeing you both makes me feel excited but that quickly turns into realizing what my feelings are really telling me. Just looking in your eyes brings me to my knees and i have no control over that. I wish i could change these feelings but its not that easy. What am i scared of, The one thing that scares me most is never being able to kiss either of your lips again. I can move on if that is what is required for me to do but the damage that is going to happen is going to be extensive.

2-17-2018

Another day, Your faces still bounce around in my head. I wish we could all just figure this out because the longer it draws out the more i see how this is going to end and that end will hurt me as much as this current situation. I can move forward and i will, I just don't want to hurt all the others that this will affect if it goes the way i see it going currently. I am going to have to share these feelings i have inside sometime and i am waiting for that moment but i don't get that chance very often. It's not that i just need to talk, its more that i need to talk to the two that are causing this instability in my emotional state. I hope i get that chance but the way this is going I could screw that up as well as usual.

2/14/2018 (Post 9/16/2017)

I am getting stronger, Day after day the world just moves on so i can choose to hold on to something that is never going to fulfill me inside, Just dealing with the emotions that have been released is a full time job, The sun comes up and so does your faces I can shake them for a while but never for very long. I want to see you , I am not sure if i can do this alone anymore! I need for someone to care about how i feel to help control these overwhelming feelings. I don't think i am asking for to much. I have been thinking this was gonna make me angry and there are those feeling yes but it really is hurting far more than making me angry because i have no reason to be angry to those few that have touched my heart in a way no others have.

Does it really matter.2/9/2018 (Post 9/16/2017)

I am invisible at this point. These feelings pushing me to the edge of sanity , I get through the day but i never seem to move forward. The faces that fill my mind at every moment still control my every thought. I wish i could see through the fog and move forward, I still have not been able to figure out how to do that. I wake up and i go through the motions of my life but i am still not participating. One day rolls into the other and it just helps me hide my feelings and pretend i am ok. I am far from that though.

2/6/2018 (Post 9/16/2017)

Another day goes by and i still cannot shake you, There is gonna be a time where you both will need to get involved because i am not sure if i can balance myself without opening up and explaining these feelings that continue to tear me apart. I will always try to hide my feelings and sometimes i am not sure that helps or hurts. I ball my feelings up until they explode and cause a big scene, I want to open up, Sometimes i need it! Its just hard to talk about my feelings even though i need to. I know the conversation is hard however it is needed because i am not in control. I am being controlled by feelings i have no idea how to deal with. I see your faces and it triggers emotions, Sometimes happiness, Sometimes hurt and anger, If i cant open up to how i am feeling to someone especially the two that started this. I am not sure how i can move myself to a more stable place.